More Chaos

25 Sep

“Everything is under heaven is chaos, the situation is excellent”, have we heard it before? Nah, I don’t want to, no more bio-politics now. It’s Saturday fwochristsake. So let’s try another one.
Everybody is totally fucked up: there is not a single festival worthy it’s name, not one dance venue that has a program; programmers, choreographers, dancers, producers, set-designers and the guy you hire to make the music. No no no no, they are completely over. Completely! Dance as an art-form, like you have to be pretty stupid to make it your passion. I did, and there is something even more embarrassing about it – it wasn’t a choice. I would of course never admit it but in fact I just ended up here. I have a handful of almost exiting versions for why but as all you others, the reason I’m in dance is because I wasn’t good enough for something else.

Somebody asked me why there is an absolute lack of kick ass producers in dance? Isn’t the answer evident: because if you are any good you leave the business. There’s no money, there is no fame, where is the fancy party? Who is the choreographer who orders two bottles of exclusive champagne and asks the waitress to waste one – pour it in the zink – just because it’s just too middle class to shake the bottle and spray it. – – MTV is really the most embarrassing television channel around – – and the business idea behind The Hills is pretty much amazing.

I have another confession, one that hurts. My first experiments in dance took place in 1990, I wrote my first reviews and took a few courses in dance-studies at the university. In 1990, how amazingly stupid is that? I must have been blind and totally senseless. How could I have missed out the Internet?  Why didn’t I work two afternoons to understand the rudimentary whatever about web-publishing and made billions. I can assure you, hadn’t it been for dance I would be rich like Bill Gates today. And what has happened instead, I work as dance teacher and write a blog. I could have invented wordpress, but no – I decided for dance. I wasn’t forced, I didn’t decide, I wasn’t passionate – and you know there was no Marcel Duchamp thingy, you know that the ready made has to choose you – no dance didn’t choose me – I ended up here and I stayed. Do you know what that proposes: thumb and index fingers in a ninety degrees angle placed on your forehead. Loser LOSER L O S E R – Leave now, get out of dance and choreography at this very moment. Don’t wait for an opportunity, an offer from Hollywood or to be part of a band. They wont come to you. You have a mission, to leave the domains. For each day you wait the offers become less and less exiting. Check out, book a one way ticket asap. Go catch that flight. And don’t you dare and come visit.

The problem with dance and performance, help me god, is of course the lack of chaos. Who wants to invest in a business that hasn’t changed since the beginning of time? Yeah, dance is the oldest art-form right… An idea, perhaps Belgian dance got its legacy because it is the only country where business is so primitive that investment in dance could appear attractive. My impatience has nothing to do with what you and you and you are doing, I’m just so sick and tired of waking up to the same. I’m writing every day, because I can’t wait, I can’t extend the contract any longer. My lease is over and it just keeps going. I need a total make over. I’m not excessively fat neither do i have seventeen children but SVP make me a total makeover. Twenty years and I’m still curious, I want more, I want much more, I’m empty, lost, the season isn’t running anymore, I have nothing to say and I’m not John Cage – and even if I had something to propose I couldn’t cuz that’d be no better than any other networking festival director dance artist art-council choreographer’s proposition. I can only swing my arms without aiming – – I can’t retreat into yoga, it’s great, it feels tops, makes me body triffic but I can’t – not even Youtube ashtanga – I can’t because of how it proposes a healthy soul in a healthy body – and that woman in the yoga video ends the session, with a flattering “rock it!” – only… I’m devastated, painful – squeezed between an absolutely striated world of dance and total chaos. I can not propose anything at all, and yet I must continue to write. For 100 days, I must write – it’s a mission that can not be altered. And don’t ask why. I have to sit out detention, no parole. A 100 days, three times more than Lindsay Lohan. OMG – the moment I propose the potentiality of any revolution however tiny, is OVER. It’s our job together not mine to search for the beginning, and begin. In the meantime I can only do one thing: Betray all sides.


2 Responses to “More Chaos”

  1. Wojtek September 25, 2010 at 21:01 #

    Geez it’s great when you’re out of breath. When it’s about one person’s struggle. The individual sweat is so much more than the universality of good advice. If being devastated well is a form of art, turning it into glitteroptimism is one heck of a job. And yes, you’re not the only one trying. Togetherness is maybe a bit of a stretch, but hey, stretching does good.
    “The most important thing is to learn how to think clumsily”. (Brecht, for chrissakes)

  2. Cristina Rizzo September 26, 2010 at 11:45 #

    Yes I don’t have nothing to loose, I mean..I just have to survive, but I don’t want to have nothing else to I can use my name and I can say to everybody, what do you know about me? nothing, so please don’t say stupid suggestions on how I should think or talk..I can be weak if I want or I can be stronger then all of you together if I want.
    I know everything without measure.
    Welcome Marten…welcome
    Nothing will change. Unless everything will fall down. And I mean it, litterarly falling down…a disaster…so we start again…My entire life is a totaly chaos…so is my work.
    My body, my dancer/choreographer body, is just a instrument with which I can think…now I’m into porno.
    Yes I’m practicing, in many different ways.
    But I’m also into Pavlova dying swan, cause she was so beautiful with her flicking legs and stupid point foots completely wrong…I know also Mathilde Monnier is working on this now…but I detest what she is doing.
    I don’t give a shit about dance or choreography…even if I have choosen to do this with all my heart…I don’t believe in immagination, not even in genius, not even in good ideas, not even in conceptual dance.
    We are in a market, I can’t feel as a what I’m doing?
    I do only believe in love, sounds romantic? not at all.
    You Marten, you are desperately in love with dance or choreography or whatever it is for you…you talk as a lover completely left alone…
    I’m always alone, since I left Kinkaleri, since I have no boyfriend or childrens or parents or brothers and sisters or friends. I don’t teach dance at a University (only because here in Italy we don’t have this kind of system), so I’m pretty much poor, apart from a house I have in Florence which I rent to tourists so I can keep going with my chaotic life. I come from a very borghese italian family, a fascist one, so as you might understand I’m completely left alone which I think it’s the only way to forget about ‘yourself’.
    So I ‘m ready to begin, where do we start from and when?
    Where is everybody else?
    Where are PAF people?
    Where are you?
    Of course I know I do have to begin by myself.
    All of you, you are so fucking dogmatic… when at the end what you want is recognition and power as anybody else.
    What is the problem of wanting to be loved?
    Last night I thought I should leave the field and becoming a taxi driver just to observe people, in my discrete way.
    I’m looking for money to do a porno movie, a real one, not an artistic one, if you have any suggestion or ideas or if you want to be an actor in it….this is serious, I told you I’m into porno. It’s my way to talk about a dance system which is completely perversed, but what is perversion in the end? It’s you and me.
    Of course, I do agree with you we should do a lot of sex group, always.

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